Something Borrowed, Something Blew

No, I didn't see this movie for a date.





If you've seen the commercials for Something Borrowed, you basically know what you're going to get. If you were going to see it or, probably more accurately, if you were going to be dragged to see it, this review will neither sway you nor will it save you.

The Film

Something Borrowed opens at the surprise 30^th birthday party of Rachel White (Ginnifer Goodwin, looking more like early season Cameron from House than ever). It's the type of surprise party that probably costs thousands of dollars and boasts more guests than a wedding. In a quick slideshow montage that serves as easy exposition, we're introduced to the main players. There's Darcy (Kate Hudson), Rachel's lifelong best friend, a showboat, and a lush. We also meet Jim Halpert (John Krasinski), who writes novels under the pseudonym Ethan. In the “Ducky” role as Rachel's whipped male friend, he was one of Rachel and Darcy's elementary school pals. And then there's Dex (Colin Egglesfeld), Rachel's former classmate from law school and Darcy's fiancé (they plan to marry in 61 days; observant viewers try to keep track of the time). Although these four make up the bulk of the film, two other significant supporting characters round out the cast. Claire (Ashley Williams) is “obsessed” with Ethan and looked down upon by everyone aside from Darcy for being “crazy,” which seems to be synonymous for forward. Marcus (Steve Howey) is Dex's friend. He looks like the offspring of Matthew Lillard and Jason Segel, wants to nail Rachel, and is the stereotypical slacker/skateboarder/idiot.

After Dex escorts the severely trashed Darcy out of the party, he returns at the end of the affair to find his fiancé’s $2,000 handbag and runs into Rachel. On a cab ride home, she admits having a crush on him. He admits he has a crush on her. And they do it. I don't really think I'm spoiling anything as all of this occurs before the title Something Borrowed appears on screen.

At this point the movie can go several routes. It could be a screwball sex comedy of errors considering the variety of love triangles going on; there's even a private house in the Hamptons where the six of them regularly spend weekends. Or it could highlight the seediness of a scandalous affair that betrays one's best friend and the other's future wife. It could focus on Rachel torn between her best friend and her role as her best friend's fiancé’s mistress. But the film opts for none of the above, choosing instead a surprisingly bland tone that has too many slapsticky moments to be a drama and not nearly enough laughs or attempts at laughs to be a comedy. However, to best describe why this movie doesn't work, let's talk about characters.

Characters

Rachel is a workaholic who is depressed and miserable with her life and desperately wants a man. She also briefly rues taking the career route and not having children. It's a throwaway line at the beginning of the film, but I feel it's worth mentioning. She's the special type of movie workaholic who never actually seems to do any work, goes out to bars often on weeknights, can seemingly get away to the Hamptons every weekend, and can even take two intercontinental flights in two days. She also owns the special type of gigantic New York City loft/duplex complete with its own inner staircase that few low-level, fourth year junior associates can afford without roommates or rich relatives. After Rachel sleeps with Dex, it's practically impossible for her to concentrate on anything or anyone else. It also never seems to truly bother her that she's violated Darcy's trust. Her only struggle seems to involve wanting to get Dex to commit to her and being too much of a coward to force Dex to commit.

Darcy, as mentioned above, is Rachel's best friend since they were children. Rachel appears to hate Darcy but, as oblivious as she is, Darcy actually does seem to treasure Rachel's friendship. She also clearly has an alcohol problem, but it's neither played for laughs nor is it treated seriously. Additionally, Darcy is off-kilter and delusional enough to consider the group's condemnation of Claire for being “crazy” somewhat hypocritical. However, despite her selfishness, she's the only one of the main characters strong enough to say what she wants and take it.

Ethan, on the other hand, is the only main character who seems to have a passion other than pure self-interest. Although he has his own motives, for the most part he handles them better and more maturely than the rest of the characters. Although his condemnations of certain characters and their actions might be tainted by his own personal desires, it does not make his assessments any less accurate. Nevertheless, he is also a coward and refuses to discuss his problems with Claire, opting to constantly run away from her instead. Like Rachel, he seems to hate Darcy but will not/cannot stand up to her.

Finally, Dex, a moneyed WASP, plays the important role of staring dumbly, looking pretty, and smiling. He pulls this off to a T. Like Rachel and Ethan, he's also a coward and miserable with his life. He refuses to take a stance, tries to balance both girls at once, and twice invites Rachel to a beach house where she has to watch him and Darcy fool around and listen to the two have obnoxiously loud sex. But he's pretty, so I guess he's a catch.

A side note regarding Dex: At one point in the film, he implies that his mother had severe bouts with depression when he was a child. Whether this affects his attraction to the clearly miserable, practically dead inside Rachel is unexplored.

Friendship

Although Rachel is supposed to be close friends with all three of the characters, Ethan is the only one with whom she seems to have an actual relationship. She has lunch with him (from a place with food that can apparently last off ice for over 8 hours) and talks to him about her problems. Despite his unrequited feelings for her, he indulges her whines and neediness and does not burden her with issues.

But I think that the film's strongest friendship is meant to be the one between Rachel and Darcy. This doesn't work, not even with an out-of-place dance sequence harkening back to a middle school talent show. We never get a sense of why these two people like each other with the exception of Rachel naturally being a submissive doormat. Plenty of people have friends from their younger years whom they have grown out of but cannot escape, particularly with someone such as Darcy. The existence of their relationship is not particularly unrealistic, nor is Rachel's passive aggressiveness towards her pal, but it significantly affects the story when Rachel seems to utterly lack guilt over the affair. Also, although Darcy is something of a self-absorbed bitch, she's not a particularly heinous one. She does not seem to abuse Dex and any abuse she levies on Rachel comes at least partially from Rachel's inability to speak her mind. In some ways, this turns Rachel (and Dex for that matter) into something of the villain, although the film does not treat them that way.

Rachel and Dex's relationship is even more confusing. We see through a series of utterly useless flashbacks that they attended law school together and flirted while studying for a torts exam. He meets Darcy through Rachel, Darcy and Dex accidentally date for six years, and then they get engaged. Yet we never receive any indication that Rachael and Dex have a connection outside of being in Darcy's inner circle. At one point Rachel says that a life without Dex would be unimaginable, which is surprising since they have the chemistry of two people who are just friends of a friend.

The Big Question

RING

With any romance film, the question that must be asked is: do these people (i.e. Rachel and Dex) belong together? The best answer for this film is...“sure, why not?” Rachel is cowardly, self-absorbed, obsessive, and bland. Dex, for the most part, is also self-absorbed and bland but too wishy-washy to be considered obsessive. In real life, that makes up many a typical couple. Average, boring, pretty people leading average, boring, pretty lives. To this end, I'll end by citing to arguably the greatest romantic comedy of all time, Annie Hall

Post Script (the Actors)

Although John Krasinski essentially plays the same role as on The Office, his charm is very audience friendly.

Ginnifer Goodwin seems to have a knack at fitting into the world of the “romantic comedy.” She has the likeability lacking in most actresses currently aiming for the title of rom-com queen including Katherine Heigl and co-star Kate Hudson.

NBC: 3 Hours of Comedy; At Least Some Of It Funny

Recently, NBC announced plans to turn its Thursday night line-up into 3 straight hours of comedy, following the massive failure of The non-Celebrity Apprentice. Time to look at the upcoming line-up.

Community (8:00 PM)

Since the original mission of this blog was to concentrate solely on the negative, there is not much to say about Community. It's the funniest show on network television and is constantly innovative, surprising, unpredictable, and hysterical.

Perfect Couples (8:30 PM) - New Show

Starring The Waitress from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Olivia Munn, the lesbian triple agent from Flash Forward, and the Hot Guy from 100 Questions (more on that show later), Perfect Couples is the new mid-season comedy coming soon on NBC. According to the official website, “Perfect Couples depicts the misadventures of three engaging couples as they struggle to find out what makes the ideal relationship - and how to maintain it through humorous trial and error.” There's a normal couple, a high drama/high passion couple, and a perfect couple.

It sounds like it belongs on CBS.

Details about the show are lacking at this point, but it seems a betrayal of the uniqueness and freshness offered by the other comedies on NBC. And, Perfect Couples sounds perfectly suited for a ubiquitous Laugh Track, which the other shows wisely avoid.

Of the five other shows that have made up the NBC Thursday line-up over the past couple of years (six if we're including My Name Is Earl and seven if you want to include the short-lived Kath and Kim), none concentrated on “the relationship.” While characters in all of those series loved and lost, romantic entanglements were but one aspect to those series, and never the centerpiece. As important as Jim and Pam's courtship is to The Office's success, it was never the sole focus (although at times it felt to be).

Besides, if NBC was devoted to this type of show, they should have just kept 100 Questions.

More on that later...

The Office (9:00 PM)

Almost canceled after its first season, The Office has become NBC's flagship show for Thursday nights. With the highest ratings and most public recognition, this American take on the British classic is the sun around which the rest of the lineup orbits. Whether this will continue when star Steve Carell (who plays boss Michael Scott) leaves for greener pastures next season remains to be seen.

However, maybe Carell leaving will provide the show with the shot in the arm it needs. Over the past couple of seasons, this once quirky and charming mockumentary on the modern office environment has strayed dangerously close to sitcom territory, with many of the characters either losing their charm or becoming one-dimensional caricatures. Other problems include scene-stealers like Creed and hipster douche Ryan suffering from a dire lack of screen time, and new secretary Erin constantly forced to walk the line between adorable and retarded.

The recent episode The Christening highlighted many of the show's problems. While The Office has regularly taken us out of the office and often strains credibility about where the camera crew would go (why would they follow Pam to school in New York?), it was never as bizarre as the episode featuring the christening of Jim and Pam's child. Why would the entire staff be at a Christening for the child of co-workers they barely seem to like early on a Sunday morning? Early. On a Sunday Morning.

At least the episode Andy's Play earlier this season, about Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) co-starring in a local production about Sweeney Todd, can be somewhat rationalized because it was after work, not early on a weekend. Although the end of episode sing-a-long with the Sabre/Dunder Mifflin employees was a bit disconcerting. Remember, these people do not like each other. (And, while we're on the subject, enough with showcasing Ed Helms' song-and-dance abilities. It seems like every other episode features another musical rendition of something or other by Ed Helms.)

Back to the topic. The Christening episode ended with yet another Michael Scott hissy fit where he jumps on a bus to Mexico with a youth/young adult group with Andy in tow before they decide to abandon ship and return back home. The showrunners have developed quite the problem in finding the balance between a pitiful-yet-likable Michael Scott and pitiful-yet-annoying character.

While hashing out complaints about The Office, there's also Jim Halpert. When the show started, apathetic salesman Jim (John Krasinski) was the most relatable guy on the show. He was miserable in work, miserable in love, and overall miserable in life. The job at Dunder-Mifflin was just a job, but he did not seem to have anything else going on for him and, besides Pam, he didn't have any dreams or aspirations.

Since then, Jim received numerous promotions within the company, became the best salesman in the branch (he reached his commission cap in the latest episode), got the girl, got the wife, got the baby. He went from the lazy guy who had nothing to the guy who has it all, yet still suffers from a lack of passion/interest. Originally, Jim was an outsider who rebelled against the system in minor ways- pranks, jokes, sarcastic looks at the camera, etc.- but now he has become part of the machine, even his recently attempts to alleviate boredom seem to lack the pleasure and creativity that made the character appealing. While I am all for character growth and completely understand that when people get married and have children they tend to settle down, the arc sapped Jim of the qualities that made him a leading man/co-leading man at the show's inception and replaced them with nothing.

To give an idea about what to expect in this big final Carell season, the next new episode on December 2^nd, contains this plot description. “After reading an article about China growing as a global power, Michael (Golden Globe winner Steve Carell) decides China must be stopped before they take over the US.”

The South Park Did it Already

Parks and Recreation (9:30)

After a first very shaky season, Parks and Recreation returned for its second season in September 2009 with a series leaps and bounds beyond its first six episodes. Originally accused of being a The Office ripoff, the second season of Parks and Recreation presented remarkably deep characters that engaged in unexpectedly intelligent, honest conversations. As low-key, small-government-loving director of the Parks department, Nick Offerman's Ron Swanson (with sax playing alter ego Duke Silver) emerged as a truly great television character.

So NBC axed it for the first half of the 2010-2011 season.

30 Rock (10:00 PM)

Despite its reliance on celebrity guest stars, 30 Rock remains a strong player in the Thursday night line-up. Is it better than Community or Parks and Recreation? No, but it is a steady performer. However, as the show wraps up its fifth season, Kenneth needs to own NBC or everyone should be dead by his hands.

Outsourced (10:30 PM)

The latest edition to the Thursday night line-up is Outsourced. Based on a 2004 movie, Outsourced is an oddly-paced (its reliance on broad humor makes the show feel like it needs a laugh track, yet its lack of timing seems more suited to a dramedy) series about Todd (Ben Rappaport), the American manager in an Indian call center for a company that sells novelty goods. Todd is also ridiculously unlikeable, creepy, and comes across as just about every bad boss in a Lifetime Original Movie.

The best I can figure is that Todd is supposed to be charming and a decent person. However, due mostly to Rappaport's performance, he comes across as a worse human being than David Cross' hapless pathological liar Todd Margaret. Of course, having a dick for a lead character is not necessarily a bad thing. In Community, Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) is a vain, self-involved douchebag, but it is who he is. The other characters acknowledge it, he admits it, and it works. Similarly, in The Office, Michael Scott is a bit of an oblivious asshole but his incompetence is belied by his patheticness and, through Carell's performance, the sense that he generally means well.

Todd has none of the qualities that make those two characters work. He's scummy, and although he seems to think that he's a good person, you never get the sense that he means well. Condescending and self-centered, Todd seems to have zero interest or care in the foreign exotic culture his job thrust him into. He regularly gets annoyed when his employees won't conform to, or have an intrinsic understanding of, American standards of behavior, while it's doubtful that he's even picked up so much as “The Child's Guide To India.” Of course, it does not help that all the writers seem to know about India is arranged marriages, silly names (Todd laughs at every new Indian name he hears), and they worship a number of wacky gods.

Because a show like this needs an unrequited love story, Todd is unreasonably drawn to Asha (Rebecca Hazelwood), a subordinate who works in the call center. She is set to be arranged married to someone else, much to Todd's dismay and anger. Asha's ability to spurn Todd's blatant and forceful advances seems to only make him want her more, and Todd's feelings towards her make Boardwalk Empire's Van Alden's attraction to Mrs. Shroeder seem positively darling.

Todd has one-dimensional underlings (all the characters are one dimensional for that matter) like Madhuri (Anisha Nagarajan), Gupta (Parvesh Cheena), and Manmeet (Sacha Dhawan) to help him with his dirty work. I can only assume they go along with Todd's schemes because either they believe it's how people act in America, they fear being fired if they don't assist, or both.

100 Questions

During the summer of 2010, NBC aired six episodes of 100 Questions in place of Parks and Recreation. Starring Sophie Winkleman (a Brit who actually spoke in a British accent) and Collette Wolfe, this laugh track permeated show was a “brilliant” throw back to the era of Seinfeld and Friends where every other comedy on the NBC line-up (Caroline in the City, The Single Guy, Union Square, etc.) was a rip-off of Friends, which itself was an inferior knockoff of Seinfeld.

100 Questions followed Charlotte Payne, a woman seeking the love of her life at a dating service. At the beginning of each episode, Gay Black Dating Service Guy asks her a question, and the following half hour features a story from her past loosely related to that question.

One immediate problem: the show did not give any indication how far in the future the questioning takes place (e.g. are the questions asked in 2010 while the answers occurred in the 2000s? Are the questions in 2015 while the answers are today?) or how many questions Payne answers in a given session, given that each “episode” was a different question.

As a gimmick, it lacked cohesiveness even in the six few episodes that aired. The episodes did not end with GBDSG and Payne having a “Mork Calling Orson”/What Did We Learn moment nor was it used as a framing device, as a different subplot generally wrapped up over the closing credits.

As mentioned, the show was a Friends-ian ripoff, and Charlotte's gang of misfits consisted of Nerdy Guy. Hot Guy. Stupid Girl Friend One. And Stupid Girl Friend Two: The Foreign One.

The show was also responsible for one of the most oddly designed bars (as in the place they went to drink/hang out) in recent television history, and this theme song.

Just listen to that.

Nevertheless, there was a charm to 100 Questions. The lame laugh track, the way too close friends, the Sitcom 101 dialogue and jokes, 100 Questions was terrible without being ironic or meta about it, which is rare these days. Unfortunately, it was not renewed.

The new season starts on January 20.